Sharing My Voice is Important: I Was a Victim of Gaslighting; but, I Enabled My Voice and Escaped It

The statement “have a voice” is commonly used to encourage people to cast their vote for an array of topics. In my opinion, it isn’t the correct call to action. Simply because having a voice isn’t enough—we need to use it in order to be heard.

When I look back over my life, I recall a young Towanda who didn’t hesitate to speak her mind or stand her ground in the face of any bully. As I got older, there were quite a few occasions when I did not use my voice to express my desires, intentions, or outrage—unfortunately. I’m not sure what or why I changed. It may have been the shift in my environment and my pursuit of acceptance and comfort during my adolescent years that never materialized that caused me to be silent. Notwithstanding the perils of puberty, I was able to use my voice again during my young adulthood, but it was short-lived.

In my mid-thirties, I found myself in a relationship that muted my voice. In retrospect, I realize I was a victim of gaslighting—before I knew what it was— and I wonder if I have displaced unforgiveness. I accepted blame and shame and believed the manipulated reality I was given. I didn’t say anything in an effort to have peace, which was wasted energy because I was consumed with turmoil within me. Although I am learning to forgive myself for not speaking up about what I didn’t like or want, I am grateful for realizing the need to turn the tables on my gaslighter—or abuser. The moment I recognized I had been given a false reality, I used my voice to counter it and gained my freedom—mentally and physically.

Being in a relationship that discouraged me from sharing my voice was painful and unsettling. However, finding the courage to use my voice in that relationship enabled me to see how impactful Towanda’s Voice is.

I’ve empowered myself to use and share my voice in every situation that comes my way. What are you empowered to do?…T.V.